Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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