Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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