And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
