If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize