He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
