K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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