I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
