guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have demons in me.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
