Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
