apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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