Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
