the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
