I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
