I just saw a hot homeless man
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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