I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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