I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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