Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
