You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
