I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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