Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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