i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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