I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
