Less talking, more tequila
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
PANTIES FOUND
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