I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
