God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Duck Duck Cougar?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize