you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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