pop tarts are not kleenex
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
