ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
