She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
