I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
