Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
