I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
