The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
