Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
