i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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