from now on my penis is your penis
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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