I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
