Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
