I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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