There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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