im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
