The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
