Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
