i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I didn't shave. On purpose
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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