I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
