I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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