you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
