Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
