you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
