he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
