The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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