Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
