dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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