the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
