my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
