So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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