just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
