The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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