I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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