Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
