oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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