Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the raccoons are back...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
