My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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