I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
