Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
