if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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