Do you still have your period?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
