You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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