After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
