i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
