i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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