I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
