i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
