I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
