okay pat passed out under dana's car
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
