My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
