This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
and you fell through a lawn chair
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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