Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I want to have your abortion
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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