you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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